6 Things I’ll Be Telling My Son About Girls

I’ve prayed a lot of prayers for my kids over the past 9 years.  Prayers before they were born, prayers when they were days old, prayers when they wouldn’t sleep, prayers when I couldn’t.  Prayers when life changed and prayers when life was tough.  Prayers in the moment, in the dark, amidst the turmoil.  Prayers when they did things for the first time, prayers when things went wrong.  Echoes and utters, often laden with anxiety and need.  Sometimes in peace, always for their salvation.

But until recently, I had never thought that I should, or even could, be praying for their spouses!  The very thought of it fills me with a knot of anxious dread when I consider the minefield of dating.  But then I remember they’re only 6 and 8, and a lot of prayers can be murmured before we have any bringing-home-the-boy/girlfriend-moments.

So, there have been some prayers added to my list.  Prayers that they will look for and find godly spouses, who love the Lord.  Prayers that their decisions about boyfriend and girlfriends will honour God first and foremost.  And there are some things, that I’ve picked up along the way that I’ll be speaking to them about as and when the time comes.  Pitfalls I want to help them avoid.

There will be many conversations I’m sure…I hope there are. But if there are 6 pieces of advice I’ll be giving my son, I’m pretty sure they’ll be going like this.

 

1.  Christ first. Always.

 

If you get married, son, you’ve been given a great privilege.  You have been given the honour of leading a household.  Of being the spiritual leader in the life of your wife, and if you are blessed with them, children.
 
You cannot do this alone.  You cannot effectively lead your family in growing in grace and knowledge of the Lord unless you know Him.  Unless you can lean on Him, seek Him for help.  Because some days will be tough. Some days will be rock-bottom-tough. And sometimes those days will turn into weeks, maybe months.  And unless you’re built on solid rock, you’ll sink quicker than you can blink.
 
Some days she’ll drive you crazy.  She’ll make you wonder what you did when you spent all that money on a ring.  She’ll make you hopping mad.  She’ll mess with your stuff.  She’ll upset your routines and all the little ways you like and do things.  She might even make more things pink or purple than you’d really like.
 
Yeah.  You are going to need Jesus.  Every day. 
 

2. Look for a wife, not a girlfriend.

 

Now let’s be careful here. 
 
I’m not wanting you home after meeting a girl for the first time with an empty bank account and a rock weighing down her left hand.
 
But when you’re out in company, when you decide you would like to share your life with a girl, be intentional.
 
Proverbs 18 22
 
Don’t play.  Or pretend.  Or live for the moment.  Because the moment can linger, and it can haunt. And old moments can creep into new dreams, taunting and reminding of days gone by that aren’t days you want to recall. They come back to spoil what you should cherish.
 
I know this because I have had this.  I have memories I made for myself and I don’t want them any more. But you can’t just take them out with the rubbish and see them off. They’re ghosts that don’t die easily.  Don’t do that to yourself and don’t do it to her.  Don’t bring old bags, packed up and stinking into what God really had for you if you’d just waited. 
 
 

3. Promise nothing until you’re ready to give up everything.

 
Which brings me on to this.
 
Watch your promises.  Be careful with your tongue.  Do not say you will be her everything until you are willing to be her everything. REALISE what you say to a girl when you tell her she’s lovely, when you tell her she’s beautiful, when you pick ripened promises from Hollywood’s finest lyrics and make them yours.  Sure, they sound really sweet and they’ll make her quake and drown…
 
But you’re not called to swallow her whole with empty lines an imaginary man promised an imaginary woman in a flick you saw one Saturday night. She sees those movies too. 
 
She knows the lines and she’s awash with media telling her to believe them, want them, need them. 
 
When you give them to her, you’d better be sure that behind them are the same words “I will love you as Jesus loved the church.  I will give myself up for you, die for you. Love you every day, even when you’re unlovely. I’ll never give you up, choose another, swap you for anyone else. We’re for keeps.”
 

4.  Realise she is flawed and remember you are too.

 

Those films. Those magazines. They’ll get in the way here too. They have made for you the image of a non-existent woman. Bury that image somewhere deep and never measure her against it. Never bring it out, make it your fantasy or your deepest wish.
 
One day you’ll see her. Without make up or her hair undone. Sad, crying, angry, full of tears and broken. Pregnant, swollen, round and aching. Mad, irritable, moody.
 
She’ll be all these things. Amid the joy, and laughter, the beautiful moments and the picture perfectness of good times, she’ll show she’s a broken vessel who needed a saviour too.
 
Sometimes she’ll say the worst thing. She’ll be the worst thing. 
 
She’s on the same path as you. Being transformed. The Lord who started a good work in you, is doing the same in her. So hold hands along the path. Some days she’ll be a few steps ahead, some days she’ll be a few steps behind. But you’re still on the same path.
 

5.  Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Forget.

 

Bitterness is a weed that grows thick and quick. It will choke every good thing you have when you hold on to what you should have shaken off.
 
It will sneak in, look like any other plant. But once it’s taken root, it’s hard to pull out.
 
When things go wrong, because sometimes they will, be quick to forgive. Because when you aren’t, unforgiveness sticks like rot and it’s hard to loosen.  Its voice is louder than you’d think.
 
Unforgiveness has a good memory. It keeps a good record of wrongs. With surprising accuracy. 
 
So forgive. Then forget.
 
Seventy times seven.  Endlessly and without question as to whether you should.
 

6. Know you have the loveliest of things.

 
I hope my picture’s not bleak, son. When your mother promises you rough days and hard weeks, marriage might lose its appeal.
 
But it’s not bleak. It’s beautiful. It is the loveliest of things.
 
Find that girl who loves the Lord, son. Find that one who can be your fellow pilgrim on this journey of grace.  Know you have something the Lord designed when you marry her – know it’s for His glory and not for yours. 
 
Live it out for His glory. 
 
With grace and love.

Comments

  1. Wonderful ! I was just looking through Proverbs today to find a verse or 2 to have my children memorize . While I was scanning I came across these ones for sons . I am going to save this Post to show my son in the future . Thank you for sharing a new and fresh light on these very important truths & verses .
    Leticia from King Maker blog

    Like

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